Truth: I am exhausted. Running entirely on toddler high fives and iced lattes and sheer adrenaline – the high that comes with creative exertion. I used to be one of those people who fell asleep within ninety seconds of my head hitting the pillow. Then, within the course of a dizzyingly short time span, I became a business owner in a creative industry, and the mama of a precious and precocious little boy. And all of a sudden, I find myself lying awake at night – not for lack of fatigue – but because my mind is on overdrive. All. the. time. Goals and to-do lists swirl around in my subconscious as I try desperately to coax my mind into dreamland: how do I grow the wedding side of my business? How do I market myself effectively to my ideal clients? How do I keep up in this field of round-the-clock creatives if I’m only able to work when my son is sleeping (i.e., next-to-never)?
I remember what it felt like, those last few days before baby arrived. Full of joyful anticipation for what was to come, offset by a bit of nostalgia for the last precious moments of our familiar life together as two. It occurs to me now, as I look through these images of another family in waiting, that the days leading up to number two must be infinitely more emotional. Sure, you’ve done it before, you have all the tools — but your first child is your world. Fills you, undeniably and beautifully, to the very brim. So how do you learn to share your love / energy / time / patience? To not feel guilty for bringing a new all-consuming love into the picture?
I have a special place in my heart for this sweet little nugget, who I’ve photographed since birth (see her newborn photos here). Gabrielle was six months old at the time of this session, and was nothing but beautiful baby squish, blue eyes, and lashes. And OH – that GLOW…can you believe the light in her parents’ bedroom? Between that ethereal light and the beautiful pintuck headboard, she looks like she’s sitting amongst the clouds. I mean, come on: how could I not be totally taken?
I have no apologies. I rarely see a gym or a yoga studio these days, my husband and I now consider late-night home-cooked dinner + a glass of wine a date, I am nearly a year behind on the blog, but…you know what? We’re happy. Hopelessly so. We have an eleven month old who is so full of light and joy that it literally brings to me to tears. And I’ve somehow managed, in the first year of motherhood, to grow a fledgling business into a robust one without putting Miles into daycare.