I have no apologies. I rarely see a gym or a yoga studio these days, my husband and I now consider late-night home-cooked dinner + a glass of wine a date, I am nearly a year behind on the blog, but…you know what? We’re happy. Hopelessly so. We have an eleven month old who is so full of light and joy that it literally brings to me to tears. And I’ve somehow managed, in the first year of motherhood, to grow a fledgling business into a robust one without putting Miles into daycare.
Twenty-seven days. That’s how long we were in Europe this summer, re-learning the art of appreciating stillness, of really tasting our food, and seeing new places and things through the fresh eyes of our ten month old. It was restorative to leave behind typical worries, even in exchange for new ones (like how to get a month’s worth of luggage and a baby in a stroller over the dozens of steps and bridges to our hotel in Venice). And although the entire trip was a luxury, the real richness for me came in slowing down just enough to really watch our son develop, to see how he blossomed when both of his parents were there with him, day and night. It was the abundance of time that felt really indulgent — and I would trade it for absolutely nothing.
It rained here last night. A quiet, almost imperceptible rain, the kind one might believe to have dreamt up if not for having smelled its faint fragrance in the air the next morning. It was one of the gentler things I’ve encountered in a long time, certainly more so than the roaring mopeds and the crash of the surf on the Mediterranean. It reminded me more of my baby’s breath as he sleeps: sometimes so still I may lean closer just to ensure it remains constant. Its fragility was sweet and reassuring, a beautiful reminder to stop and listen — that that which is loudest is very rarely the most important.
Oh, why hello! It’s been a rather long time, hasn’t it? I suppose it’s appropriate that my last musings were about a balancing act, about finding time to finesse various facets of my business amidst the beautiful mess of motherhood. Because now I’m so behind on the blog that I’m writing about sessions I photographed last July. But on the bright side—I’m writing—and the baby is napping. So…win for mama!
Five months of juggling motherhood and entrepreneurship has taught me a lot of things, not the least of which is that there will be days when not a thing gets crossed off my professional checklist. Today has felt like one of those days—although if that was actually the case, this blog post would, admittedly, not exist. Some days, my little love will bounce away in his favorite chair and babble for the sake of hearing his own voice; he’ll nap on schedule and beam at me when we make eye contact. Other days, he’ll refuse to nap, demand that I hold him (while standing and bouncing) all day long, and cry with all of his might if I attempt to do otherwise. It’s days like this—when the balancing act seems completely untenable—that I must remind myself to breathe in, breathe out, and know how lucky I am to have the flexibility I do.